bilbored
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do an end of the year type blog particularly since I have only been at this for about 3 months. How ever I thought as therapy it would be useful for me to look back at the year in black and white. If it felt right I would publish, if not well then Plan “B”. 2002 was a devastating year for me. It started off bad and then progressed to nightmare status with Michael’s death in May. I did not have one second of happiness that year. I did in the best British stiff upper lip tradition deal with everything thrown at me in a cool calm manner putting Michael’s needs ahead of all else. Right or wrong I never let him see me in any state of distress. There were plenty others around to do that. I saved my tears for later at work locked in a toilet away from well meaning friends. He needed a rock to lean on as he came to grips with his own death. That was my job. Needless to say after his death I was in shock and coasted through the rest of the year numb and with out purpose. By December I just wanted to be dead.
2003 in the greater scheme of things will never go down in history as a very memorable year either for me. Although when I look back it will be seen as a recovery year. I spent the year; other then work, totally on recapturing my lost self. It was a journey only I could accomplish by my self. No amount of grief counselling or bottles of Paxil would help without my own determination to succeed and my ability to let go. Not easy at the best of times for me. I am an introvert. Help must come from within. And it did. Some times it was necessary to just make it go away. Abusing narcotics helped. There was a whole drawer full here to choose from. I exercised extreme caution, I had just quit smoking as I promised Mike I would do and I was not about to become addicted to prescription drugs. In February I went to London and met up with friends that I had traveled with in India 10 years ago. That trip to India was one of the happiest times of my life. I also spent a whole week in London’s Art Galleries and Museum’s broken up with the occasion free concert at St. Martins-in-the-Fields. That trip reignited my interest in life. I came home and worked hard on recalling the previous year and dealing with the locked up emotions. Letting it all go slowly. By the Fall I was ready to talk. This blog was the method I chose. I am just to much of an introvert to discuss things face to face. Here I can find my voice with ease. For me it has been a success. I have goals and projects in mind for next year. That I hope I can share as the time becomes right and even a secret or two. To my blog friends you have been more help than you know, in my year of recovery. Here’s to a great 2004 coupled with a toast to absent friends. Happy New Year….Bill
for a Special Guy:
Maybe it's much too early in the game
Oh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?
Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year, New Year's Eve
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of the thousand invitations you receive
Oh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance
What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?
Oh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance
What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?
A Blogs Canada
Carnival of Canucks Selection
I got home just before 1:00 from our field trip to IKEA last night. I was cruised in the main lobby in less than 5 min. YAY! A good start. Now I went with my two Fag Hag friends. I know neither will be offended at this term. Because Katy just told me that Jo. didn’t know A: What a Fag Hag was. Or B: That she had become one. Honestly that girl is just so innocent some times. We will soon fix that. Ok back to shopping. Now here we are running around in the show rooms finding it very hard to keep from getting split up. I wander into one of the model apartments. Isn’t it funny how when you go into the model rooms they suddenly become yours. There is a 19 year old boy sitting on the living room sofa. Hmm too young. I continue looking around the room. I go to the kitchen and start snooping in the cupboards. The boy leaves. I next check out the bed room. Ewe. There is a strange women with a baby stroller in my bed room and a man from the retro loft next door is making unflattering comments about my furniture. I retreat to the kitchen. Phew! I’ll just wait in the living room for Katy and Jo to show up. As I walk into the living room the cute boy pops in again from the single urban girl one room suite on the other side, and plops himself down again, on my sofa in front of the TV. Darn I can’t even offer him a drink my kitchen cupboards are completely bare. Now what do I do. I look out the window. There is Jo out in the street surrounded by sofas franticly waving at me. Oh! “Bill, Katy is over here looking at a chair” I waste no time fleeing. So we continue happily shopping filling up our cart with throw cushions and bed spreads and kitchen accessories and try out every chair and make catty comments about the other shoppers and cruise and get cruised. And all this fun cost me just under $200 hundred dollars and I get to keep the new book shelves for my bedroom too. Oh yeah, I got new stainless steel bathroom accessories in honour of Patrick including a new soap dish.(*grin*) Then back to Jo’s for Pizza, Wings, and Finding Nemo on DVD which I had not yet seen….Bill
50% off at the world’s biggest
GAY BAR. Woo! Hoo! I’m going tonight….Bill
Mad Cow Madness
The news that B.S.E. was found in the USA before Christmas was not really all that surprising. Nor was it all that surprising that the US government wasted no time in pointing the finger to Canada. This seems to be a favoured ploy of US governments these past few years. The reason to shift blame to Canada in this case is abundantly clear. If the cow is proved to be imported into the USA then export bans against American Beef can be lifted almost immediately. If not the US will suffer huge economic loss as we did here. The beef industry between Canada and the USA is a highly integrated business, with stock moving back and forth across our borders, both before and after slaughter. So it really is in everybody’s best interest to work together to provide a solution to this problem. It is unhelpful if one government starts finger pointing before all the facts have been carefully considered.
This will be the third time the US government has tried to lay blame at Canada’s door step without first checking the facts. The first time was the Sept. 11 attacks and the second time was the blackout last summer. In both cases Canada played no adverse role in those events. This blame game may play well on domestic media in the US but it does nothing to foster confidence in the US’s abilities to set an example as a responsible and fair world power. It leaves many on the outside shaking their heads in amazement. If it is proved that the source was Canadian the facts will be doubted by many out side of the USA as suspect.("Oh here they go again another white wash to protect domestic business interests") and if it is proved to have been of domestic causes everyone will have trouble believing that the governments will act forthright and honestly in resolving what will be a very hard blow to the cattle industry.
The principle point is already being overlooked. It is the source of the disease and not the birthplace of the cow which should be paramount. In this case the premature finger pointing has had far reaching international consequences already, as the world media reports on the who is to blame angle and nations governments quickly shut their gates to American cattle exports….Bill
I was unpacking my Christmas presents which I had brought home late last night and there on the bottom of the shopping bag was the dreaded Old English Soap on a Rope gift, from my Mom. Well honestly now! The last thing I need in my life just now is soap you can’t drop in a shower. I am cutting that rope off post haste….Bill
I have just spent the last few hours reconstructing my site it looks virtually the same as before, the as yet un resolved problems. I normally write all my entries in Word before posting to my Blog. I don’t however always save the word document after I post and Fridays post was one I had not saved and was also one of the posts I had to eliminate in order to recover my site. I rather liked that post so I wanted to see if I could some how find it again. After searching my computer extensively it was no where to be found. I decided to start searching the Web. And thanks to Google I was able to find a cached copy of the post and restore to both my files and my site. I am becoming quite the expert on forensic reconstruction of my Blog site. I will also in the future be more fastidious in saving my “Word” drafts even if it is only a single sentence document I may never wish to see again. And a word of advice if you do not have an up to date copy of your blog template saved into your computers files leave this post and do so now….Bill
I was going to post, about our family trip to Niagara Falls to see the Christmas Display tonight. Which finished with the dog throwing up in the van. I was also going to post about the madness of Boxing day sales and how I miss the days when everything was closed for nearly a week. I then thought I would write about bad things in the news. But why? So maybe a film review. I saw a good one. Tea With Mussolini –Did I spell that right? But I am tired and cranky from all the festivities. And the cat needs his wound dressing changed. So to bed and no blogging. Good night….Bill
Yesterday
365 gay.com ran a short article titled
Was Jesus Gay?
“Noted Methodist theologian Rev. Theodore Jennings Jr. and Dr Morton Smith a world renowned Bible scholar at Columbia University say there is irrefutable evidence that Jesus was at least bisexual. Dr Rollan Mc Cleary of the University of Queensland, in Australia, says he has discovered through his research that three of the disciples were gay.” He goes on to Quote this:
“Prof. Smith points to a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958 which he says alludes to Jesus having a homosexual relationship with a youth he raised from the dead. The fragment shows that the full text of St. Mark, Chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the following passage:" And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God".
And then finally and most startling;
“Dr Mc Cleary spent the last three years researching “gay spirituality”. His book, "Signs for a Messiah" published earlier this year says that Jesus and at least three of his disciples were gay, and Christianity in general is built on “gay principles”. Mc Cleary says that Christianity needs to recognize its homosexual roots and abandon the practice of alienating gays and spreading homophobia”
Whilst I don’t doubt the earnestness of the authors research I as a gay man do not find research like this either helpful or encouraging in further enhancing “Christian” acceptance of us in our churches. It is always a risk when you try to play the lets find another new meaning of the scriptures card. The literalist will object you outright period. The rest will just debate your theory into confusion and in conclusion. Dr. Mc Cleary comments about Christianity being built on “gay principles” is just ludicrous nonsense. There are no gay principles no secret charter or club membership. We have one thing in common. We have relations with persons of our own sex. My sexually has no bearing on my beliefs or values. My core values were taught to me at home and at church many years ago. I learned that critical thinking and the ability to be liberal and open minded would carry me further than some flavour of the month system of belief or cast in stone text. Our progress for further acceptance in the church will never be won by saying “Well Jesus might have slept with guys so it must be right”. It is as silly as saying.” Well you sleep with guys so you must be evil”. It is the meanings behind the scriptures and the examples of Jesus and the very vagueness of it all where Christian values can be found. Narrowing in on this text and that scripture to prove a point is to dismiss the bigger picture that Christianity teaches us. Jesus’ sexual orientation is nobody’s business. It might make for interesting debate. It does however nothing to foster acceptance and inclusion within our churches….Bill
Merry Christmas to all my friends old and new....Bill
Christmas Part 2 is well under way. We went out to lunch at the Golf Club with it’s splendid views of Lake Ontario at the mouth of the Niagara River and views across to Fort Niagara in New York. I must confess I enjoyed the causal atmosphere of the golf club dining room much more then the more up market winery that we ate at yesterday. It also was way cheaper. So what to do with all that money that we saved, go shopping of course. With all of us being highly organised over achievers this was purely shopping for entertainment purposes. And my sister and her partner soon to be legally my sister in law are so starved for decent stores. They live in Thunder Bay, the biggest shopping excitement for them has been the opening of a Home Depot this fall. Queen Street our main street is full of mainly high end tourist shops. Most of us who live here do not shop here. We went to the Irish Shop it is one of the best places in Canada to buy Quality Irish and some British clothes. My sister bought a new coat and I spent $92.00 dollars on a scarf, yes you heard right a scarf, a beautiful hand knit wool scarf. Now those of you who don’t know me, don’t know that I am so not into clothes, 90% of the time I wear Levis 501’s and plain white 100% cotton T-shirts 7 days a week. I have a weakness for good shoes and nice coats and that is why I was willing to pay that much for a scarf that will match my 4 winter coats. We continue shopping I am wearing my new scarf and my Oxford jacket. I get cruised, no not cruised chatted up by a clerk in another store while, I am waiting for my Dad to decide on a new belt. Slow day I guess. We go to another store I can’t believe it happens again. The guy eventually became so distracted he could barely cash out my mother and her 2 pairs of socks. After we leave the store my Mom says “ That young man seemed awfully flustered.” My sister's partner looks past my mother to me “I think he has other things on his mind .” I am thinking god, that scarf was cheap maybe I will go get 2 more….Bill
My Boss was just here with a nice big jar of his homemade dill pickles as a Christmas gift. And they call us queer. I think I will start on the nice big rum drink now....Bill
Christmas Part 1 comes to a successful end. We had a very nice lunch at the at Peller Estate’s where I very happily drank 15 dollar a glass wine at my brother in laws expense. I think I earned it after spending the last 48 hrs. repairing the rupture between my Mom and my sisters that had erupted as a result of my two sisters ongoing feud. No wonder I snapped yesterday. Thank you Brent and Patrick for your support. We returned to my parents plugged in the Christmas tree opened and exchanged presents. Ate Christmas cookies, etc, etc and generally pretended it was Christmas morning. My sister and her family left at five and will be heading out tomorrow to Montreal for Christmas day. My older sister and her partner arrives tomorrow from Thunder Bay for Christmas Part 2. I am now at home and it is time to start the present wrapping all over again. I didn’t make enough short bread for 2 Christmas’ Oh well, I’m not making any more now. This whole situation is so odd it feels just like a back to back two show day at work. Later a nice big rum drink and some Blogging or maybe even read last Saturdays Newspaper….Bill
From good to bad in less than 24 hours. I hate this emotional roller coaster I’ve been on for almost 2 years now when Mike first became sick. So much has changed in my life and most of it has been change imposed on me by events entirely beyond my control. I am a Virgo and seem to hold those characteristics, even though I think it is superstitious nonsense. I carefully plan and research everything I do. I’m anal retentive to a fault. I am not rigid or resistant to change. I just want it to occur in an orderly fashion. Not to be imposed on me by out side forces all at once. I would like to have a say please. At times it just gets to be too much to cope with although; cope, I think I have done very well with thank you very much. Michael’s illness and then his death changed my life in ways I could not even imagine. One of my best friends moves from town. Other friends illness’. My Fathers deteriorating memory and my parents increasing reliance on me as they age. My work place has been in a constant uproar for over a year now as the whole disorderly renovation and new construction grinds on. We are hit with plague (SARS) , power failures, terrorist threats, war and assorted other world events that as a thinking person disturb me deeply. And there are more items on this list I won’t even bother mentioning events personal and not. For me many of those systems I had to help me cope are gone.(Michael) I come home to an empty house there is no comforting words, no one to answer the phone and take on part of the emotional demands of friends, family or work, no warm bed or comforting arms. Just more stuff to do in the same amount of time. Nobody to help, nobody to laugh with or cry with. Now I know that there are many single people who can and do cope on there own very well. I am not one of them. Nor did I have a choice in how my life has become. I know 19 months are not long enough to rebuild what was almost a 17 year partnership. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. There I’ve said it now. I feel better. That is one of the things this blog is for, an outlet. Give some one you love an extra hug tonight . I will be OK….Bill
Something happened late last night. It was small, and very sweet. I shed a tear or two. I’ve shed many tears over the past couple of years. But these the first shed with joy in many a long time….Bill
My 22 year old niece is in Thailand now. My niece and her gay “boyfriend” are spending Christmas break away from their jobs teaching English in Japan. It seems to be a favoured way now; to pay off those crippling student loans that so many new graduates are burdened with any more. This will be her first Christmas away from her family and the festivities at my parents. I envy her. To be 22 and travelling is one of life’s greatest experiences.( Okay I also envy her for escaping the ongoing ruckus between my sisters too ) The other day in an E-mail she said this:
>“i am just writing you from bangkok. i cannot believe i am here. it is so
> amazing. ….our
> hotel is in the busy downtown area sandwhiched between a makeshift
> carnival/beer garden/market (open all hours of the night, but they do have
> bumper cars!) …where construction occurs outside of my
> window from midnight to noon. as you can imagine, this makes earplugs a
> well-chosen purchase. nonetheless, it is reasonably clean, the beds are
> reasonably comfortable, and i saw my first thai prostitute last night entering
> a fellow guest's (or should i say john's) room. interesting...but perfect for
> the desired experience, and pretty much what i expected for $5 usd a night.”
Now my niece is a Jewish (semi) princess and has lived her whole life thus far in abject comfort and afluenza in a well off neighbour hood. To hear that she is in a $5 buck a night hotel with just the basics and some interesting local colour warmed my heart. It reminded me instantly of my own travels and my fond memories of seedy Asian hotels. I’ve stayed in many of them and I find the raffish seen better days atmosphere invigorating. I remember one in Kuala Lumpur 2 years ago, located in KL's China town a stones throw from the chaotic bus depot. The Twin Happiness Hotel was frequented mostly by bus and truck drivers. They are a tough lot but also are mostly honest and hard working. The ambiance was electric and, sexually charged in a rough trade way. Not right for my niece but perfect for me. It was aptly named. I digress. I didn’t mean for this to become an expose on my fetish like attraction to no star Asian hotels but rather to lead to the importance of travel in ones education. Especially amongst our next generation youth. Now more then ever when our societies and nations are becoming more polarized in their views I think it is increasingly important that people not stay at home in fear. That they travel the world. That they connect with people and cultures different from their own. That sort of experience will never be found in 5 star hotels with its fake obsequious isolating service. That is why my heart was warmed when I heard my niece was staying in a $ 5 dollar a night dive where she will find cultural enlightenment. A, Twin Happiness Hotel - Indeed!....Bill
I had not planned on a new look for my site. It was forced on me by Blogger. Last night Brent at Cop Talk sent me some code to create a links section. This was the beginning of the road to my new look and an ordeal for Brent and then myself. First Brent kept getting his E-mails to me bounced back. Through perseverance on Brent’s part and some back and forth chat through our Blogs I finally got the code. (Thanks Brent) We concluded that maybe my anti spam and or virus protection programs may have been responsible. I could not say for sure I don’t know enough about these things. So here I was happily amending the code to create links. I moved them on to my template. I previewed them they looked right, they were in the correct place. YAY! Me who knows 2% about code did it. Now to hit Save and to publish. Hit Save….nothing…Hit Save…My template turns white…So do I….Bad Gateway…What the Fuck…. Exit… Check Blog…Bad Gateway…Check some other Blog that also uses Blogger/Blogspot…Same thing. Bloody Buggery Hell there Fucking server has crashed dead in the middle of my work. I wait… and wait…. Ah.. finally. Shit where is my Blog. It is nothing but a perfect ad (funny that) and a bit of code. Back to the template. This is Fucked! Contact Blogger support… nothing….Go to bed… sigh my Blog has died. In the morning I contact Blogger support again .Still nothing. Alright, nothing to do but apply a new template I can’t do any more damage now. Can I?.. YAY! it works. I re-apply the links which I had saved else where and fix the errors. I go to Haloscan and was able to retrieve my comments and paste them back in. I thought they were toast too. YAY! This is not too bad. Thanks to a persistent Cop and bumbling Blogger. I have a new look and I like it. Now I want to learn more about writing code and to figure out how to get rid of those blank spaces on my links which are not apparent on the template. And then maybe I can… ….Bill
My Family’s Fractured Christmas.
My two older sisters are on the outs these day. This all erupted over my oldest sister and her wedding plans which seems to have opened some old wounds between the two of them. I thought perhaps by now things would be sorted out.
And a relatively civil Christmas truce would be possible. That’s not going to happen. My mom is understandly upset and my fathers attempts to sort things out has only made a bad situation worst. As for me I have placed my self on the fence and am sitting there very firmly and intend on staying there no matter how painful ( pun intended ) until this all blows over. Which it will in time. My sister and her family from Toronto are now going to come on the 23rd . We will go out to
Peller Estates Winery and have a nice lunch then go to my parents and do the present thing before they head off to Montreal. On the 24th my other sister and her partner will arrive and we will do the whole Christmas thing again at my Mom and Dad’s. I think this is a very sensible compromise under the circumstances. I intend on making the best of a bad situation. Two nice meals instead of one. Individual quality time with each sister. The tedious present thing spread out into two short session. It does now mean I have to get busy and wrap my presents this weekend (and finish shopping ) and bake the short bread cookies. I’ve been making these cookies from my grandmother’s recipe since her death 24 years ago. So time to crank up the oven and get baking. With any luck.
This will happen!
Artist :Bette Midler
Album :Bette Midler Sings
The Rosemary Clooney Songbook 2003
Song :Hey There
Lately when I’m in my room all by myself
In the solitary gloom I call to myself
Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes
Love never made a fool of you, you used to be so wise
Hey there, you on that high-flyin´ cloud
Though he won’t throw a crumb to you, you think some day he’ll come to you
Better forget him, him with his nose in the air
He’s got you dancin´ on a string, break it and he won’t care
Won’t you take this advice I hand you like a mother
Or are you not seein´ things too clear
Are you too much in love to hear
Is it all goin´ in one ear and out the other, and out the other
Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes [Are you talking to me?]
Love never made a fool of you [Not until now]
You used to be so wise [Oh that was a long time ago]
Hey there, you on that high-flyin´ cloud
Though he won’t throw a crumb to you, you think some day he is going to come to you
Better forget him, him with his nose in the air
He’s got you dancin´ on a string,[a puppet on a string] break it and he won’t care
Will you take this advice I hand you like a mother
Or am I not seein´ things too clear
Are you just too far gone to hear
Is it all goin´ in one ear and out the other
Long Live the Divine Miss M and her new album!
I succumbed to peer pressure today. (alright it was my Mom) Why is it I can charm the pants(well not literally) off of Philadelphia Teamsters and get our trucks loaded on time on Super bowl Sunday but I can’t say no to the little old lady that is my Mom. I put up out door Christmas lights. It is not that I don’t like them it is, that they are just like work for me. We use miles of the stuff on stage almost always in ways you won’t recognize. That realistic moon in the inky star speckled night sky. Made with Christmas lights. The dancers going up the stairs that light up magically with each step, Christmas lights. The chic luminous panels and elegant Art Deco Chandeliers all crammed full of Christmas lights. Well you get the idea we cut the stuff up and use it in any thing and every thing that needs a spread out even light in a confined space. It is cheap and it is fast . Most of us get more then our fill of them throughout the year. I went out this year and bought a new set of lights. I chose all blue ( to match the blue painted siding on my house ) and they will look nice and understated on the Box wood topiary in the drive. ( I know that was So! Gay ) What is different is that these lights are a new product called
Forever Bright They are LED’s they therefore have no bulbs to burn out or break, they do not heat up, they are long lasting and use 80% less power than an equivalent conventional set of lights. LED’s are the future of lighting. You may have them as brake and tail lights in your newer model car. Or have seen them in those extra bright traffic lights. We have already started to use them at work both on stage and off. I won’t bore you with further examples. But I will say I can’t wait till after New Years when I can take these lights into work where we will rip them apart to figure out ways to use them on stage. Thanks Mom.
My relatively new next door neighbour is a music teacher and also sings chorus for Opera Ontario on occasion. He is also divorced and has 2 young kids his ex wife has custody. He came over to visit me tonight bearing gifts. Oranges left over from some school fund raising event. This is the second time he has brought me fruit. Hmm. Is he? I wonder? There have been other comments in the past that have registered on my Gaydar. Never mind… We were in my study talking about this and that and he noticed some of my early edition P.G Wodehouse’s. This led to a discussion about an unknown to me musical called Sitting Pretty.( It predates Showboat) Music by Jerome Kern, Lyrics by P.G. Wodehouse, Book by Guy Bolton. He raced home and came back with the
CD box set with a 1989 N.Y.C. recording based on a performance produced by Carnegie Hall at Weill Recital Hall .With Judy Blazer, Paige O’Hara, Davis Gaines, and others. How ever what he failed to tell me was he sang in it as well. Holy crap my neighbour sang at Carnegie Hall….alright !, two adult men alone discussing musical theatre Hmm! As he was leaving he told me he was finished school for Christmas break in 2 days and that I should come over some evening for drinks. Was that like a date? I’m not sure but I think it was.
You read it here first. On Monday I commented on our military and fruit cake. Today that comment is published in
The Globe & Mail ( Canada's national newspaper ) and online
here. Now I know it was just a short letter but to some one who writes letters to the editor as a hobby (some call us cranks) making print in the Globe is the ne plus ultra. So I'm celebrating YAY! for me.
Last month I linked to a series of Ads from
PFLAG Canada and an Ad Agency called Zig. These ads are designed to foster support for the upcoming legislation to make same sex marriage legal all across Canada and not just in the three provinces as it is now, Ontario, Quebec & British Columbia. Today I received this interesting background information on one of the actors. Click on the link below to view all three ads. Scroll down the page and click on the ads. The actor mentioned below is in "Parents"
The Future Mothers-in-Law commercial
The spot about the two soon-to-be mothers-in-law features actress Roz
Michaels. The Toronto actress heard about the public service announcements
through her agent and begged for an audition.
Eleven years ago, her 21-year-old son, Bruce, afraid to come out, killed
himself by jumping into the Grand Canyon. None of Bruce's family knew he
was gay. They only learned of his struggle in a note he left behind.
"He really believed that he would not be accepted in the world," Michaels
said as the spots were unveiled.
Since Bruce's death she has become a vocal advocate for gay rights.
"I was never smart enough when I gave my sons their sexual education to
mention homosexuality," she said. "Because of my own upbringing I didn't
bring it up. I was stupid, ignorant, un accepting and look where it got me."
More than 100 people were involved in the commercials. All of the actors ,ad
agency, and production crews donated their time for the spots.
"We're hoping it promotes open, positive dialogue about why legalized
same-sex marriage is the right thing to do," said Andy Macaulay, the chief
executive of Zig.
"People don't want to be preached to on a subject, they want to have an
opinion shared with them that they can choose to adopt or not. And we're
respectful of that." -Zig
Have a
White Trash Christmas here. Turn on your sound. Probably best with broad band sorry.
Big news today. Student chefs at George Brown college in Toronto are going to send fruit cakes to our military personal serving overseas on active duty. Imagine their delight as our cash strapped and ill equipped troops now have something to sandbag their defensive positions with.
With the capture of Saddam Hussein we are probably in for several days of astonishing hyperbole and congratulatory spin. Whilst most thinking people will agree that his capture is important psychologically in Iraq and politically in Washington and London. It will not really result in any dramatic improved change in "world" security, at “home” or in Iraq. There is still a long row to hoe before that will come about. In the mean time I am cranking up my Orwellian newspeak radar for the next few days and I am going to try to enjoy the whole hideous spectacle as it is brought before us. Here is a couple amusing quotes I found at the BBC.
There are quotes from other world leaders at this page as well.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi
The weapon of mass destruction has been found and now we can, and must, turn over a new page.
They will love that one in Washington.
Saudi ambassador to the United States, Prince Bandar bin Sultan
Saddam Hussein was a menace to the Arab world, and his reign of terror will be remembered for its brutality, aggression and oppression.
Hmm! takes one to know one.
I am published in The Advance today our local paper. So go read me there. For those of you who can't your missing small town politics, as I defend our local hospital from some un warranted attacks over the past few weeks.
I can’t seem to get any of my books read these days. There is the time, not lots but more now, then when I am working or travelling. But some how I’m not motivated to read anything longer than the newspaper. I am reading more poetry these days then before. Which I am enjoying. I was going to inflict another one onto this blog today but I could not decide so you are spared for today at least. My head has been in such a strange place since I finished work this season. I have not traveled outside of the country yet this year which has my friends in curious disbelief. I may not be able to concentrate on my reading but I have been getting some writing done. I’m always busy but can not (not won’t) say what I’ve been doing. I do feel however that I have moved into a different head space, different and positive. Not yet happy but a happier space. Readier now to accept and make the changes in my life that have been forced upon me nearly 2 years ago now. Which sounds like a lot of time, but it is not really. I don’t think I have been moping around. No one has said “Can’t you just get over it” other then my self of course. I know I’ve spent far too much time at home alone and also at this keyboard. That is okay for now. I know, I want to change. It is just a matter of how. How; that is appropriate for me. I’m an introvert by nature and I do require a lot of time alone with my own thoughts and that will never change. The theatre by its nature is an extroverted activity even for those of us who do not perform onstage. We Play hard and we play hard. In a culture that drinks and smokes and stays up late at night uneasy is the introverts life. It is not anti social as I’ve sometimes been accused of, both now and in the past. It is just a different way of recharging after your workday. So perhaps It is patiences still, that I need. I’ve often said to the Lighting designers when things seem to be going slowly. “No things before its time. And. It is early days yet.”
Nice and snug four old friends sit around the fire at “R”s house. Each with drink in hand and the relaxed ease that comes from twenty years or more of knowing each other. We are all of what can be described of a certain age. Plenty behind us but still far to go. R announces “I’m seeing a 23 year old student” “Not one of yours” sighs K “No no he is geography student on exchange from Leeds” “Leeds? good lord R you and your foreign accents” “How did you meet him” “The net” Oh! Says K “I don’t know his name” says R “I thought that sort of thing was over with in the eighties”. “Are you going to see him for a second date” says G. Oh we are well past the second date I’ve seen him 5 times” “What!” We all say at the same time. “Well what do you call him” “I don’t” This is now too much we are all laughing outrageously! R with a 23 year old toy boy 5 dates under the belt (as it were) and he does not even know his name. We spend the next 15 minutes devising ways for R to extract the identity from his new toy. I am thinking is this what I have to look forward to. I have not even had to think about dating for the past 18 years. I don’t have a clue where to even begin. Would I have the nerve to use the net. It did not even exist then. Perhaps I can hold out for
DEUS EX MACHINA. I’ve got some one in mind.
Ahoy there mateys! Arghhh Have you ever been to sea Billy? Noo Captain High liner.
Well yes actually. I've Been to see
Master and Commander Woo! Hoo! suddenly I'm 14 again and it's a rollicking good old testosterone laden Boys Own adventure at sea. "Hard to larboard, Mr. Warley! Luff, luff, and shake her!" Right from the beginning with that opening shot of the creaking confined quarters of The HMS Surprise we know we are in for a cine-mactic treat. Director Peter Weir has kept a firm hand on all aspects of this production giving us a film that is both fun and sincere to Patrick O'Brian's famous sea going novels. Which I for one am going to add to my re-reading list. Weir has achieved a very nice balance between realism and fantasy and has nurtured superb performances from Russell Crowe as the Captain and Paul Bettany as his "best" friend the Ships Doctor.(One can imagine much during those long lonely nights at sea) We are never led into over the top camp in this film that has all the classical elements of an at sea adventure story. With a lesser director this could have been a real dog breakfast of campy sea dialogue/acting and over the top effects. It is not. It's fun. It is well done! "Make your conduct most lubberly and un-Navy-like!" advises cunning Jack. This film's got it all ! Go if you can.
Here is a seasonal health reminder from Britain's
National Health Service. Not for the squeamish or those easily offended. For the rest it is fun and educational too. Turn on the sound and pick your favorite STD stick figure.
I am not a particularly religious person, and I am very much a doubting Thomas. I don’t believe that a God has his hand in my fate. But nor am I an existentialist and I am certainly not nihilistic. However when I read Pascal’s Pensees I can take on the message but not accept that it is the hand of God at work. If I were to subscribe to an “isim” it would have to be humanism. Having said that; this poem some how spoke to me. Perhaps it is the message of (God’s) hope that trumps even the doubting Thomas, sure that there will be….
Light Shining Out Of Darkness
God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never- failing skill,
He treasures up his bright designs,
And works his Sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.
His purpose will ripen fast,
Unfolding ev’ry hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow’r.
Blind un belief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain:
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.
William Cowper
I went to the s PEN d Centre today to do some Christmas shopping. There were good things and there were bad things. We lost Dad for two hours. I finished a lot of my Christmas shopping. Mall coffee sucks. I got my self a new sweater on sale. The relentlessly cheery Christmas music is thoroughly depressing. How good am I going to look in my new Hugo Boss Glasses. They were $450.!! They are also 100% covered. YAY! Union. Thanks IA. Whilst in the house wears - department at Sears (Mom finally bought new every day dishes. Well that only took 5 years! Now about those drinking glasses Mom.) I could not help noticing all the happy homo couples. I felt jealous. What a strange reaction. Last year I felt angry and upset and sad when I saw gay couples together. I am jealous of there intimacy. Jealous because of my loss. Loss of what they have and I had. When two people have been together for a while they grow close to each other in ways that are not necessarily recognized even by them. Although often apparent to observant others.
I am you, and you are me, together we, are one. When Mike died so did part of me. I was not prepared for this. I did not realise just how much we were one. I am grieving not just for him but also me, and perhaps that’s why it takes so long. A friend sent me an E-mail today and in it he mentioned a film.
“My Life On Ice” and that is how I feel just now. When I left the mall today I took home something more valuable than Hugo Boss glasses or a new sweater or some trivial Christmas presents. I found some insight into me. Now how to melt that ice?
I've beeen to thee eye Doctorr everrthing iss ablurr.Can"t wirite. See you llater.
A perfectly ordinary day in a perfectly ordinary small town. I sit in my cozy book lined study and write on my Georgian style desk while out side in the garden snow gently falls on the shrubbery coating them white with this the first snow fall to stay. It is quiet day. I walk to the post office to get the mail. I pay a bill at the bank. I stop in at work for short meeting and to catch up on the gossip. A walk to the library to change my books, another round of gossip with the librarians. " Whats going on at the fire hall" it is just across the street. "Oh it's the free flu shot clinic are you going.- No I had mine at the hospital clinic last month" On my way home I stopped at a house where some one was selling unicef Christmas cards ( there was a poster up at the post office) and I bought some. At home a quick cup of tea and then out to walk Ron's dog to the park at the end of our street.
This day again, I write E-mail on an up to date lap top and listen to the BBC live from London with my broad band connection at my desk. At the Post office I get Elvis Costello's latest CD from Amazon.ca. I register my Cogeco account at the bank for computer payment. At the Theatre I discuss the lamp maintenance schedule with my boss. It will take a month for 6 people to clean the roughly 1200 lights and all the accessories. I will need to crack the whip to get done in time and to ply my crew with plenty of "tim-bits" at break. My boss and I discuss the pros and cons of various automated lights. We just don't have any more room for conventional lamps and must upgrade to multi functional on board computer smart lamps. With three theatres here it will cost a small fortune. At the library the computers are down again. They can't find the book I want. I leave with DVD'S instead. I pickup some Christmas cards. At home I "nuke" up the tea and then out to walk Ron's Dog.
I like Christmas cards. They are wonderfully old fashion. I like to send them and I like to receive them. When I was a kid it was a major operation for my Mom to co-ordinate the literally dozens of cards that came and went over the holiday season. The special ones got pride of place on the mantle in the living room. The next important ones went on top of the piano in the dining room. The Rest went on a string over the sofa in our brand new "rec" room in the basement. Today it is not much different the best in the front room the rest in the basement. There are fewer now. I am able to place the few I still get on my fireplace mantle. There is something personal about that simple low tech piece of cardboard with its generally nostalgic picture and the hand written signature that harkens back to better times. They seem to cut through the commercialism of the season and really do seem to be personal. I guess what I am trying to say is that today in my ordinary day of small town activity. I could not escape our modern hi-tech, high stress world. Save for this small piece of card board signed by hand and sent by real mail to your friends and loved ones. With old-fashion care.
It is World AIDS day today. I am remembering:
Jamie,Bill,Phil,Ron,Paul,Jeffery,Rick,and that guy from DC.
