bilbored
Nothing like an hour in the golden evening sun watering plants to lift my mood from a rather dull 8 hours wiring up non descript electrical devices at work today.
My Cow Parsnip, Heracleum lanatum is creating quite a sensation, literally slowing down traffic as people stop and stare at the 10’ high flower stalks with its white umbrella size blooms and equally huge leaves. It is looking the best it ever has and that is entirely due to all the cool rainy weather of late, that I have been despairing of for quite some time.
Yesterday my parents left for the Summer to go to their cottage. I spent part of the afternoon putting their house in moth balls and this did nothing for my already sour mood. I must confess I need the break from the increasing demands that they have on my time. I don’t lament it for a minute it is a duty that I willingly discharge. No matter how increasingly difficult the demands are and will become. It is my sisters turn though for the next couple of months. I am not prepared yet to take on another serious illness in my family and, some how must find the strength to work through this while at the same time not sacrificing my own needs. I need to find balance. God’s plan is not apparent yet.
While biking home from the grocery store in Virgil (the town not the poet) after work today this popped into my head.
Over the last year and half there have been 4 different guys locally who have expressed some sort of interest in me.
1) A designer who has been after me for years - So not interested
2) A stage manager who just wanted a shag - I said no
3) A successful Broadway actor(complete with Tony award) – No more alcoholic actors.
4) A store owner, ESL instructor, artist, well traveled, well read- Just no spark.
There have been also 3 other guys of varying interest who I only know as casual acquaintances, The bank teller, The produce guy, The other shop owner, all of whom went out of there way to say hello to me this week, Mike always said I never noticed other guys who paid attention to me. Why should they? - was usually my answer. Hmmm!
But of course me being me I have to set my sights on something more difficult, a Special Guy, so close yet so far. I take no news as good news. For now any ways. I wonder if it is too late to call that stage manager….Bill
*
I am depressed today.
It is raining. It is cool.
I can’t stand waiting any longer.
I am not working. / I am working tomorrow.
There is nothing to do. / There is too much to do.
I am spending too much time alone.
I need to escape. / I am afraid to escape.
I need some one to rescue me.
I need me to rescue me.
Tomorrow….Bill
I approached the polling station and was greeted by the usual thin yellow plastic chevron shaped sign with its black lettering stating simply, Elections Canada Polling Place. I entered the school gym and was greeted with a typical setup of plain white tables and simple plastic chairs, provided by the school. A table staffed by two people to check the voters registration or to affirm any non registered voters if need be. After a short neighbourly chat with one of the registrars, a friend from work who had taken the day off, to work the polling place as an act of civic duty. I was sent to the correct table (poll) where another pair confirmed my name and address and crossed my name off the list of electors and then handed me the piece of paper that was my ballot, carefully folded and initialled by the poll clerk. I went to the table behind them and simply and secretly behind the small screen picked up the pencil marked my ballot with an X refolded it and returned to the clerk who detached the ballots serial number, handed me back my still folded ballot and I popped it in the box and was on my way again in less then 10 minutes.
There is a Zen simplicity to the whole process. All the paper is black lettering on white. The ballot boxes and the screens are simple white cardboard affairs with equally simple black Elections Canada lettering on them. You mark your ballot with a small yellow pencil the only colour in the room other then yours or the staffs clothing. They are carefully dressed in colours that can in no way represent any political parties colours. The only decoration in the room, a portrait of The Queen and Prince Phillip. The whole experience is apparently causal and neighbourly and seems a bit old fashion in its apparatus, Pencil, Paper and Cardboard boxes are the tools we use to elect our government. No guns. No guards. No government overseers, or party dragoons. No complicated machines or bullet proof boxes with military protection. Just you and your neighbours. It is the same all across this land. In a simple yet fool proof system, quietly and peacefully we exercise our right and maintain our privilege to vote with and for, Peace Order and Good Government….Bill
And so it is election eve and the desperation sets in as the PM does a one day cross Canada blitz trying to convince us he is just as left as the NDP while the NDP tries to convince it is just as left as the green party and both want us to come over their way to save us all from the Evil Conservatives who have plunked themselves smugly down in the heart of redneck country for the day. Meanwhile in Quebec the separatists are suddenly self described gentlemen and can be trusted to act in the country’s best interest as they set there selves up as Kingmakers. Well which country and whose King? I think we are headed for some sort of electoral disaster tomorrow. Just what shape that will take who knows. If I was the
Governor General I would be having a few G&T’s tonight in preparation for a very long evening watching
Peter Mansbridge in front of the TV tomorrow night. I know that is where I will be, even if the evening proves to be inconclusive it will be one of the most interesting elections for some time. Probably more interesting then the probable next one in a years time. More or less, unless the outcome is worst then we fear. I can’t even bring myself to say it, Conservative #$%^….Bill
Imagine a world with no hate, no prejudice, no separatism. Where ALL people are just people. Where ALL families are equal in love, protection and rights.
What A Wonderful World it would be!
Today In Gay History
June 26, 1969 - A group of New York drag queens organize a memorial for the next night for Judy Garland who died several days earlier. Little did they know the wake would turn into a riot and give birth to the gay liberation movement.-
365 gay.com
Remember
Stonewall with Pride….Bill
I promised something nice there is always something nice
here....Bill
About three weeks ago I stopped reading the news paper. I thought I had just lost interest in the paper and was going to cancel my subscription to the Globe. After all I can get all my news online. I have been from the BBC not the CBC. I had also switched from CBC radio 1 to the less chatty radio 2. Truth is after two weeks of dead boring egomaniac electioneering I just wanted to avoid it. Not entirely, just down to small daily updates. Now with a couple of days left of the campaign the and polls in a dead heat it is looking like some sort of minority government. Question is minority what? I expect the end of the campaign will be the beginning of the interesting part. The lights are probably burning bright at Rideau Hall as her Excellency studies up on constitutional law this weekend and, may have to decide who will form the next government. It is an odd election it has been free of real issues and entirely about ethics (un spoken). The politicians blather away about “issues” while we Canadians look within about what kind of government we want. It seems we might let the Governor General decide for now, and we will give the two major parties some time to prove to us who they are and what they represent. I am reading the paper again and guessing we will be back at this in a years time if even that long….Bill
Why is it so obscenely fucking cold at 12:00h and it is only 16C fucking degrees. I had to put the self clean on,on the oven AGAIN, to warm up the house this morning. It is almost the end of June for God’s sake it is suppose to be Hot, Hazy and Humid now. Is it too much to ask for more then one day without fucking rain and cold. You hoo big thing in the sky! Shine bright. I will write something nice later I promise. In the mean time I am going to run the lawn mower, AGAIN, in a desperate attempt to speed up global warming. That is if it will ever fucking stop raining long enough….Bill
****
Two chairs made of split logs, empty.
His porch needs painting and his shed is falling down.
There is a guy alone in a city he is trapped in his past.
There is alone, in another city, another guy, he is looking for his home.
Here in a small town, on my own.
I think of we four, each of us alone.
His and his life, so different then my own.
One thing in common,
Our sense of alone.
....Bill
At the Giant Book Depot today I was unable to find anything of interest in fact it is and always has been the worst of the worst in remainder books. On top of that they have put their prices up. I think I will give up shopping there it has developed a dinginess and an atmosphere like a Wal*Mart at the end of the month after the government welfare checks come out. The shopping and the atmosphere was much more interesting at the bustling No Frills supermarket always full of an diverse mix of people who value no nonsense grocery shopping, free of lawn furniture, wine boutiques, photo shops and all that other crap that makes food shopping such a nightmare. The prices are cheaper the selection is smaller, how many different types of toilet paper do we really need any ways. You can get in and out in no time at all. Which left more time for some leisurely reading at the Welland ship canal. Which was particularly busy this afternoon. It is always interesting to watch the ships sail through and you can get close enough to almost touch them and can often chat with the crew as they sail by or manoeuvre in and out the locks. Lock #2 at the Carlton street lift bridge is my favourite spot for ship watching and seems to be popular with the tourists as well. They are often about this spot as well. Before they head into the vineyards and orchards of Niagara and then ultimately to Niagara Falls itself. I don’t like the Falls there is something about them that totally creeps me out. I fear them. I see no majesty at all just terror. It would suit me fine if I never saw them again in my life. I would recommend them in the Winter though they are very beautiful in their chilling icy environs.
It was hot and Sunny today and felt very much like Summer and was a good day to be out and about on my bike. I tried to go strawberry picking but both fields I went to were closed today. With all the rainy weather the berries are ripening slowly the season will be longer the berries juicer but the flavour not as intense. I was still able to buy berries at a roadside stand which was probably just as well. I did not have to actually touch them and a white tee shirt is hardly the most sensible choice for berry picking. I returned home had dinner and then gossiped with neighbours as I watered the garden and my friend Roddy captured the best of my gardens blooms in the fading twilight with his camera. A practically perfect Summer day….Bill
100 Things about me
- Born 1958 Victoria hospital, London.
- First name, William
- Virgo tried and true,
- Chinese year of the dog
- Cut, high end of average
- Favourite colour blue, same as my eyes.
- 5’,2”, Short guys are hot!
- I am a widower, That will change.
- Is he, yeah, you know that though.
- I sleep in the nude, no exceptions.
- I like hairy guys (mostly).
- I have a fetish, You will probably go ewww.
- Guy’s armpits (cleanish no deodorant), I warned you!
- I hate being cold, Air Conditioning is evil.
- I like it hot,(in all things).
- My last name; Talbot is French, it use to be du Talbot,
until after we raided England in the Norman invasion of 1066, we then became part of the hated Anglo Irish ascendancy, with a surplus of military officers & gentlemen and, a shortage of cash in the family, including paying (a lot) for the Napoleonic wars, we in 1818 continued in the fine colonising tradition, hired a ship and sailed to British North America and settled down to the very profitable business of exploiting other settlers in southern Ontario and modestly naming everything in site after the family or the old country (England). Enough said.
- I have very little respect for authority.
- I believe in law and order.
- I am a right wing socialist
- I have been to every continent except for the two cold ones,
- I was an exceptionally bad student.
- I didn’t do a shred of home work in high school.
- I graduated college with honours, in Theatre Arts.
- I love books, I have thousands of them, literally.
- I don’t drive people think that’s odd.
- I am odd, I admit it.
- I am a neat freak, except for my shed it is a mess.
- Religion, doubting Thomas, that is also my middle name.
- What things look like is important to me, I hate plastic.
- What people look like is less important, I hate plastic.
- Most of my siblings work in healthcare, I feel faint at the sight of my own blood.
- I have a green thumb, I am a gardener.
- I hate getting my hands dirty.
- I hate touching food, I eat pizza with a knife and fork.
- I like picnics.
- Food and Sex, never!
- Favourite Cities to visit Mexico, London, Hong Kong
- I would like to live in Hong Kong
- If Toronto was moved to Bangkok it would be one great city I would move there.
- Favourite travel destination India.
- Toughest place to travel India.
- Foreign country I love the most Mexico.
- I had sex in the Arabian Sea, neither of us spoke the others language.
- Best food Thailand.
- Worst food Cuba / Dominican Republic, tied.
- I love Ancient ruins, Best, Angkor in Cambodia & Mayan in Latin America.
- In Egypt King Tut’s Tomb was disappointing. So was The Taj Mahal.
- Place of pilgrimage, Palenque in Chiapas, Mexico. Where Mike’s ashes are.
- Enough of the travelogue.
- Phew half way, still here.
- I have never been seriously ill, except for having my appendix out.
- I am 75% blind in my left eye, I wear a bi-focal on the other eye.
- I have had Malaria, There is something oddly romantic about that.
- Every place I have lived in has had a pet cat, that will never change.
- All dog’s like me a lot, Why?
- I have my complete Cub Scout uniform.
- I have a second fetish, Uniforms / jockstraps.
- I am good at my job, it is not conceit I just am.
- I have never realized my full potential.
- I have many acquaintances but fewer friends.
- I can be Hermit like.
- I walk fast, I do most things fast, I said most!
- I have overcome all my bad addictions, Sigh!
- The best lesson I learned about understanding Literature and Prose. “When in doubt look for the sex.”
- That was easy. I always do that.
- I write poetry.
- I wish I wrote better.
- I write a fictional porn blog, Don’t ask for the URL the answer is no.
- I would like to be published, not for the porn.
- I want to learn to scuba dive,
- I want to swim in the sea everyday.
- And not be cold.
- I am a Virgin, heterosexuality. Yeah I know sex again.
- I want to get married, Because I can.
- Any offers?
- In a church too.
- I can be a sentimental romantic. Don’t tell anyone.
- It’s because I read poetry.
- I like most music but not modern American pop rock hip hop etc.
- Jazz, Latin jazz, standards, swing and big band are my favourites.
- I will not listen to any radio station that has ads.
- I don’t have a favourite movie, I have dozens.
- I could watch, The Jewel and the Crown, Brideshead Revisited, I Claudius, The Pallasers and Upstairs Downstairs repeatedly.
- I like Porn too
- I will not wear anything with obvious labels or any image what so ever on a tee shirt.
- I live in Levis 501’s and a white tee shirt.
- I have been naked in a rainstorm.
- And suntan in the nude regularly. Both are liberating.
- Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
- I am a bit old fashioned and some what of a Luddite.
- Rules are meant to be broken. I break them often.
- Yet I hate confrontation.
- I am very patient and,
- I have along fuse but will explode big time when provoked.
- Manners maketh the man is an important maxim to me.
- Did I mention sex yet. Okay I’m obsessed.
- I can be a real pig.
- I am a bottom (mostly)
- I think I will stop right here and break the rules because I can at # 99.
....Bill
Contemplating paradoxes on a cool sunny afternoon while cutting the lawn.
1) Love for an old friend.
2)He won’t say no, he can’t say yes.
3)You can’t go back though in your mind you return again and again.
4)“ What is this thing called love?”
Four connected ideas and also not….Bill
Understanding others is knowledge,
Understanding oneself is enlightenment;
Conquering others is power,
Conquering oneself is strength;
Contentment is wealth,
Forceful conduct is wilfulness;
Not losing one’s rightful place is to endure,
To die but not be forgotten is longevity.
LAO TZU
….Bill
I have just received my latest order from
Amazon.ca I swear that place is worst then crack cocaine for me. Amongst the books I received was Julia Cameron’s highly touted book “the Artist’s Way”- A spiritual path to higher creativity, A course in discovering and recovering your creative self. It was recommended by a sculptor friend of mine. I also received two copies of the De-lovely soundtrack. Which I just finished listening to. I was not disappointed . This will never be a chart topper its appeal is to the Cole Porter fan , standard jazz aficionados and musical theatre fans. Kevin Kline will never get any awards for his singing either but that does not matter. Cole himself was not the best singer so it is in keeping. How do I know, well the disc finishes with Porter’s biggest hit “You’ re The Top” in all its scratchy glory sung by the great man himself. Here again are the
De-Lovely trailer links they have added more to the site. Patrick I will include the second item too. Dam the torpedoes I say….Bill
You are lost the instant you know,
what the result will be.
-Juan Gris
On June 02 I sent
a memo to the Executive Director at work expressing some concerns I had. I had decided to take a slightly sarcastic approach. All right it was dripping with sarcasms on the verge of outright rudeness. She sent me back a rather nice note, probably nicer the I deserved. Attached to it was a post-it note inviting me to meet with the Director of Human Resources to discuss my concerns. I have not yet taken her up on this invite. I have however Whacked the Hive big time. Today our internal news letter came out completely free of cheerleading propaganda . It was called the "People Issue" it promised more profiles of employee’s. It promised to commemorate long time employee’s celebrating significant anniversaries this season. It also had an invitation to the traditional Props department patio BBQ. The props department is gone to Virgil but suddenly it has become someone’s job that this traditional event new and improved remains and will not be just forgotten. I may Write her back in, a different tone; squeaky wheels and all….Bill
One of the perks of my job is I get my hair cut at work by my friend Cindy in the Wig and Hair department. She cut my hair between her shows today and I took her out to dinner in return. Half way through dinner she decides I need to go back in the chair for something she thinks is wrong. Wait a minute I am the Gay guy I am suppose to notice this sort of thing first, before anyone else. It wasn't until she got me back in the chair and explained did I notice the problem. WOW! SHE IS A GODDESS!....Bill
So Brent after 2 days of late posting. I am posting early. I swear I am not trying to circumvent your inherent radar. And the sad tale of the day will be like watching paint dry. For I have nothing more spectacular to report than I bought 6 gallons of paint for the outside of the house. You can’t imagine how excited I am getting over the prospect of all that scraping, sanding, priming and painting….Bill
My sister and brother-in-law were down over night as part of the long and complicated process of looking after my father’s declining health. We have through careful negotiation (with my father) able to get his memory accessed and he has agreed to go on the medication he needs for what is clearly
Alzheimer’s. He is in the early stages yet and it has taken a lot of good cop/ bad cop technique from the family to gain his co-operation. Nobody can possibly understand how he must feel. His older sister is in care right now with this very debilitating disease. She is no longer able to recognize anyone.
My brother-in-law took my Dad on a 12 hour road trip to visit her, in his old home town and also to visit his younger brother in the area as well. I spent the day with my sister and my mother. We had lunch. We went to the garden centre, and most importantly we went to the pharmacy to get Dad’s new medicine and instructions and information on its use. The Province of Ontario deems this medication essential therefore the drug itself is free and only the dispensing fee is payable. We all knew this would be a difficult day for Dad so without any prior planning all was kept light and breezy. The” boys” went on their road trip and when they came back we had a lovely festive BBQ all set up on the patio, on this beautiful Spring evening. We had not discussed how we would give Dad his meds. I decided to take the job on as soon as we had finished dinner. For this was the recommended time by the pharmacist. “Dad we picked up your ‘script. Did Maryjane show it to you? …. No, well I will go get it, the pharmacist said after dinner is best.” I brought the medicine out, without the information sheet which states clearly what it is for. Gave it to my Dad and with a little light hearted banter about how he loves his drugs, laced with instructions on its use he took it. There was an inner sigh of relief from all of us. Whilst also there was a bittersweet understanding, that more difficult days are ahead. We finished dinner with local strawberries just picked fresh and sweet. Before my sister loaded up the car to go home….Bill
Is it crazy to be out riding your bike in 26C degree heat and high humidity? Is 60 km worth of biking a sane thing to do for 4 second hand books. A box of Lipton yellow label tea and 2 packets of English muffins, and a bunch of electrical hardware that I could have very easily obtained at work? Well maybe not. I didn’t really need to go and I could have waited to go with some one with a car, but the fact is I enjoy the ride through the vineyards and tender fruit orchards between here and St. Catharine’s. The main point is. I can take as much time as I want by myself, poking through the very crowded second hand bookshop that I frequent. It started off as house with a small bookshop on front it has some time ago been converted to just books, books in every room, twisted labyrinth corridors of books. Books piled up on the floor, boxes of books waiting to be unpacked everywhere. Stacks of books piled on the stairs. Shelves of books piled 2 and some times 3 deep. Mountain’s of books waiting perilously to tumble over as you shinny by. Books stacked on the window sills and underneath the few chairs tucked in the odd corners. Floor to ceiling books creeping over every possible surface. In the midst of it all the reigning Queen Hannelore Headly sits at her old desk, which I have never seen for the books piled all around and on top of it. There are 2 antique chairs with thread bare upholstery trapped amongst the books by her desk only one which is free of books to sit in. The kindly gentle Hannelore will always know, when asked if she has a certain book and will send you to the right area of the store but then it is up to you to hunt through this librarian’s nightmare to find your prize. Hannelore is getting on in age now and younger members of the family are becoming involved in the business. They have opened a second store, though larger and more orderly it does not have as large a selection as the jumbled old house on Queen Street. The Queen street store is for those who are truly addicted to books and would think nothing of spending an hour looking for one particular volume of poetry by Lord Byron. Yeah I found it and 3 other unexpected treasures as well….Bill
Through Virgil I pass a house that needs a gardener.
I was up sooner then I planned today. But apparently not soon enough for the cat who had thrown up all over the kitchen floor. At least it was not on one of the rugs for a change. I made some espresso wandered into the front room and watched a bit more of the porn movie that I had fallen asleep to last night. I need not have bothered I gave up on the boring thing ( the movie ) and went and found some clothes and decided it would be better to get some gardening done before the rain. It was eminently more satisfy. I potted on the cannas and the elephant ear, into their summer pots. Cleaned up a bit by the side of the shed and raked the gravel around my wood pile that my neighbour had restacked for me. His obsession this week being, bugs in the woodpiles his is stacked beside mine so he asked if he could do both. “Well sure Brian go ahead, I am not all that concerned. I already have bugs in my house” I risk commenting that I live in a neighbour hood of benign nutters, for I fear I am one of them. Ok the guy on the other side is closer to crazy and seems to be developing a thing for Miss I don’t date anyone but teens, two doors down. I don’t get it. They are both of a certain age. They are matched in temperament i.e. fucking nuts.
I just got nicely settled in the tub when I heard “Halloo… Bill.” Hi Jo I am in the tub. I shouted back .”Are you really!” ..Yes.. “I am coming in then.” Oh no your not! The screen door is locked. “I’ll see you later then” and off she went. I slid back into the water and thought well there is another fantasy that did not quite work out. I wonder if she thought the same?
Yesterday mornings Ladder & Board notes for “Man and Superman” was not really either. We could not use the ladder because the stage for this show is raked (sloped). We had too many physical notes and never made it to the lighting control board part. I spent the bulk of the morning in the Bo ‘suns chair suspended over the stage to do the various focus touch ups on the lights. It takes four people to operate the Bo ‘suns chair. Two in the grid about 60’ above the deck to move the life line and the block and fall, which the chair is suspended from to the various points around the stage we need to get to. The two other people are on deck one guides the life line and helps me get in and out of the chair with all the various safety gear, tools etc. and the last person has the unenviable job of hoisting the electrician up and down. Rolf is a big guy at least twice my weight but it is a work out for him no matter how much I assist in moving myself. It is not easy working in the chair your hanging 25’ feet above the floor and nothing is fixed everything moves as you try to work including yourself. I do think that it gives me a small sense of the extreme difficulties an astronaut must have working in a weightless environment and you are depending entirely on your crew on terra firma for your safety and well being. Can you spell TRUST. Yes it is fun as long as your not afraid of heights. Just another weekend….Bill
The trouble with some Fundamental Christians is, they aren’t very Christian. When you live in a house of cards you will grab at anything to shore up the crumbling foundation. Distortion of the Truth is the last resort of a completely discredited cause. So some twisted little fruit (yeah I know not very Christian) thinks it is a conspiracy now between me and my new buddy. Whatever next! The Secret Gay Agenda? Well guess what I am Out and I am proud and some sick little Ex-Gay movement won’t get much truck from me. Like my new buddy Steve said to me in an e-mail this morning and I paraphrase it is the confused and struggling caught in between that (we) worry about. I am not going to link to the site because it is irrelevant. The organization is stalking this site looking for water to boil for its own purpose. So go ahead quote away sacrifice the truth again. Here are links for organizations, for those who maybe seeking real help and understanding.
Pflag- http://www.pflagdc.org/
Metropolitan Community Church- http://www.mccdc.com/
Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse- http://www.truluck.com/
Sorry about all the clichés today, most will understand and if you should have some morbid curiosity to visit with the site in question. I think you can find your own way there via this site or my new buddy
Steve’s site, he has a great sense of humor….Bill
-----Original Message-----
From: Bill Talbot [xxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Friday, June 11, 2004 1:27 PM
To: Doyle, Patrick
Cc: Patrick Doyle
Subject: De-lovely
Hello, Patrick, Great
post yesterday, I did begin to cry as I read it, for it brought a flood of memories back to me. As I experienced many of the same things you did. I was very fortunate to have accepting parents and my older sister's coming out kind of paved the way for me. So I considered my coming out relatively trouble free. I was still in high school and I came out rather discreetly and selectively. It took several years before I had completely come out to the various different groups I moved through at the time. My best friend from kindergarten never spoke to me again. I was however propositioned by the star quarterback of the football team. The symbolism of that will always be with me, being propositioned by the "most popular jock at the pinnacle of the high school social pecking order'' and all he wanted was the long haired radical geeky guy who hung around the school "Theatre Arts Club" If only "they new".
I have always been a big Cole Porter fan. Ever since I was an early teen and saw a production of "Anything Goes". I knew then I wanted to become part of that magical world of theatre. I of course emphasized with the glamorous Broadway star character "Reno Sweeny" originally played of course by Ethel Merman. I wanted to be Reno Sweeny. Well things didn't quite work out that way, but not too far off. I have maintained my love for Cole Porter's music. It is I think Shakespearian in it's stature. And is some of the most romantic love songs ever written with great style and verve. Coming out this month is the new bio-pic
De-lovely about Cole Porter. It is no accident I am sure, that it is being released in time for "Pride" month celebrations since most of those great songs of love and desire were written for and about other guys. Cole Porter led the classic Gay double life. I am going to recommend it to
Brent sight unseen. I went to this site and previewed the
music and trailers from it. I like the arrangements and enjoyed the "freshened'' up score sung by current pop and jazz singers. I have gone out and preordered the soundtrack. I had not meant this e-mail to turn into a movie ad but rather more as background for you. I have decided I am going to send the soundtrack to…… a Special Guy this month….if I can get up the courage. … And seems to be all in the spirit of Pride this month and perhaps a second coming out for me and…. a Special Guy too. … Would your physic approve? Do I sense from your post today there may be a Vodka shortage down your way amongst other things this weekend. I hope you don't mind but I think I am going to use an edited version of this e-mail as my post today. Have a good weekend.... Bill
Visit my Blog
btalbot.blogspot.com
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http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2004/DEFGH/De-Lovely/trailer-page.html
http://www.coptalk.blogspot.com/
http://www.travelingspotlight.com/
http://www.delovelymovie.com/
Cool delicious night.
Rain and Thunder,
Lightning,Crash,
Again and Again
And then softly softly,
Gentle rain.
I drift to sleep all the same,
Alone again.
….Bill
I spent the day today in T4 (Theatre four) it is the name I have given to the new and fourth performance space in the new addition to the Festival Theatre.
Visit here and click on building progress the new additional is on the left. We as I have mentioned before cannot yet call this space a theatre. My nickname for it is quickly being adopted by everyone who sees this new space for the first time. Today was the first official day we could use the room and I had the privilege to hang the very first stage light in the room. I have in fact deflowered the Virgin and Christened this room as a working theatre. We were hanging supplementary lighting for the “Nothing Sacred” rehearsal which was to be the first use for this room. However this being The Shaw it quickly turned into a big palaver. The air conditioning was not working because some essential component was not available. The computer software we believe is missing for this room. Therefore the system does not know the room exists so it will not turn anything on. Furthermore the Architectural lighting designers screwed up big time and the room light at night is ideal for a romantic dinner but is crap as rehearsal or work light. Which is why we were in to hang 12,000 watts of supplementary lighting. The room is that large. It was clear by break that their fixes would not be ready in time nor would the AC problem be resolved. Furthermore the contracting electricians were not quite finished either. The Production manager declared the room not ready and so T4’s first event was cancelled before it even started. None the less I was the first technician to work the space and had a very pleasant afternoon in this beautiful new theatre which has large windows overlooking the town’s commons. We were additionally treated to a panoramic view of an especially violent thunder storm today. It was the first time in 25 years I could work onstage in natural light and with open windows and be connected with the outdoors. I fear I have fallen in love with this theatre it has good
Feng Shui , this newly taken Virgin is calling my name….Bill
It is 32C degrees at 18:30h. I’ve just arrived home. They have used my three favourite weather words today Hot Hazy and Humid. Phone message #1 Hello Bill it’s Mom the Air conditioner has suddenly stopped working can you come over. "Oh Crap!" Old folks heat wave not a good mix. “Hi mom I’ll be right there.” I load up my bike with my tools and head off. Check all the fuses turn back on everything they shut off etc. etc.. “Have you changed the thermostat setting”. No No that is the one thing we did not touch. I turn it to 22C the system fires up instantly and in less then 5 minutes Artic air is flowing again. “You see mom this is the room temperature here it says 26 degrees up here this part that turns that is how you set the temperature it is set at 28 degrees and since it is only 26 in here it won’t turn on. What temperature would you like.” Time for dinner and a nice cool Rum drink….Bill
I am not sure either where to start or what particular direction I am going in with this entry tonight. I have many things on my mind including the latest terrorist attack warnings being reported on the news as I type this post. I have just come in from a couple of hours in the garden. I had some transplanting to do and did not want to do it in the heat of the day. I was struck as I worked in the garden how very frustrated I was from the various goings on over the past few days. Whilst I worked away on the house hold chores today I surfed the net. and wrote and answered numerous e-mails most having to do with the exasperating situation of my fathers health problems compounded by my sisters still as yet unresolved dispute. I did attempt to spend an hour to myself naked in the sun just before noon. I just got comfortably setup in the garden book in hand, Yes I said book. When the rain clouds moved in. I went in and had a shower instead. I then looked outside to see the sun shining again. I went for the mail. I received an invite to attend a benefit gala in Toronto for
Egale. They are a Canadian G.L.B.T. rights group. I also received an invite for a Summer Solstice party here in town later this month. I will go to one but not the other.
I received an e-mail today from a young guy in the UK who is just in the early stages of coming out. He had found me via the unfortunate site of self loathing that I and other bloggers had come across this week. I am happy we exchanged e-mails he is wise beyond his years and is approaching this next chapter of his life with such a healthy and positive out look. Good luck Charlie. Ben on the other hand is lost in the wilderness. I am also beginning to strongly suspect that the site is not real but is rather a tool created by the exgay movement in order to further their completely discredited cause. I will no longer comment there. I have e-mailed its author and have only received an automated response such as one receives from a business when you are queued up awaiting service. I tried several approaches to reach a human element in that site. It was not possible it is reactive to reader input but never faces it head on and is steadfast in its agenda. Only when I challenged its right to quote blogs out of context including mine did it respond chapter and verse with copyright law it believes as defence for its purpose. It is a sorry sad place, enough said. I have no wish to return there.
I was going to write about the extreme dullness of the election with a general musing about how so far equal marriage has yet to rear its head as an issue. That can wait for another day. I have laundry to fold it is almost 22:00h and time for The National News, that is if the hockey game is over yet and I have to work in the morning tomorrow, harrumph….Bill
Today being the 60th anniversary of D-Day there was a small ceremony at the Cenotaph in town. Our cenotaph is a miniature replica based on the Campanile in Venice.
Our clock tower though is not nearly as elaborate or as tall. It is located right in the middle of Queen street and is both a popular and distinctive tourist site. I always find it ironic when I see, as very often happens throngs of Japanese tourists having their picture taken in front of this tribute to our war dead. I only hope their guides explain just what this well kept monument is and what it represents to us.
My father never participated in D- Day he spent much of the war in the North Atlantic with the Royal Canadian Navy protecting the vital merchant marine traffic. Their service being too essential for any of them to be diverted even for this great enterprise. All three of my mothers brothers were involved in D-day operations and all of them survived the war but were never able to cope with life afterwards. My mothers younger brother was a member of the paratroopers and was dropped right behind enemy lines on D-Day he was, as were all the paratroopers considered at greater risk then those who stormed the beaches that day. He never spoke much about D-Day and the weeks following, the only thing he said was “ I used my bayonet far more then my gun” He went on to further liberate Italy and then Holland, where he met a young girl who lost her entire family in the Nazi death camps when they were arrested for hiding Jews and associated underground activities. My Aunt Anne still bears the concentration camp tattoo. She would I think consider that tattoo an important symbol of freedom and sacrifice that she and her family made in what was probably one of the last just wars. Had it not been for theirs and many others heroic actions I doubt very much I would be here today to remember them. The BBC online, and CBC has had excellent coverage these past few days. Tune in….Bill
It was an odd day today at work. We had about 12 lights to hang in the Courthouse Theatre rig for a short lunchtime show that will be opening in a few weeks. The new guy who has been here all of 4 days will be working part time running this show. He was the most junior and inexperienced person on crew. The other three of us are all electricians of great experience, including my “bestboy” today who is in fact #1 on our union seniority list; of over a hundred now?. John has been picking up calls this year both as a break, and a way to keep up with his stage skills. He is the senior electrician for one of the areas commercial scenery construction shops they do large commercial industrial shows, Broadway remount shows, And major travelling exhibitions throughout North America. (They are what the Governator Arnie would classify as “Runaway production.”) John and I worked together many years ago at The Shaw he moved over from being a projectionist to the stage side of our local and I had the happy task of training him. He has learnt well. Today there is still much mutual respect and friendship as we stepped into our old roles working together. Needless to say we the old hands were able rig this show in 2 of the 5 hours scheduled. The new guy spun like a top(he was in fact superfluous to the day) while we worked fast and efficiently with the design team to install this trifle of a show. I just hope he knows it won’t be that easy everyday….Bill
THE GRIFFIN TRUST
For Excellence In Poetry
“Poetry is something more philosophical and more worthy of serious attention than history.”
– Aristotle
"The Griffin Trust was created to serve and encourage excellence in poetry written in English anywhere in the world. The Griffin Trust is a Canadian initiative founded in April, 2000 by Scott Griffin, its Chairman, with Trustees Margaret Atwood, Robert Hass, Michael Ondaatje, Robin Robertson and David Young. The purpose of The Griffin Trust is to raise public awareness of the crucial role poetry must play in society's cultural life."
Last night the 2004 Prizes were awarded by The Griffin trust for excellence in poetry. The Canadian winner is Anne Simpson's Loop and the international winner is August Kleinzahler's The Strange Hours Travelers Keep. They each won $40,000. for their efforts. Here are selected poems from each….Bill
Carpets
Night was woven through with what we said,
a Persian rug, patterned with random stars.
We sat on the windowsill of a ruined
farmhouse, all of us quiet after talking.
Weeds lay tangled below, a great square
of something intricate, unknown,
and I thought how it could be caught
by four corners: a carpet lifted
into the dark, undulating up and up.
I might have been pulled into the blue-black,
too high, too far, but something called me
back. Yesterday, kayaking, I recalled it
near a silver stretch where herons gather
at low tide. Just beyond,
water runs deeper, faster, the eel grass
slowly brushed this way and that, farther
down. We'd paddled back the wrong way,
though I liked the shallows and then
the cool green deeps. There, before us, birds
ascended as if drawing something
with them, the sheen of water, a wavering
transparency. We could see the slant
of fields, scattered houses and barns,
orange buoys comically bobbing,
and currents opening to reveal,
lower down, many liquid stairways.
From Loop, by Anne Simpson
The Strange Hours Travelers Keep
The markets never rest
Always they are somewhere in agitation
Pork bellies, titanium, winter wheat
Electromagnetic ether peppered with photons
Treasure spewing from Unisys A-15J mainframes
Across the firmament
Soundlessly among the thunderheads and passenger jets
As they make their nightlong journeys
Across the oceans and steppes
Nebulae, incandescent frog spawn of information
Trembling in the claw of Scorpio
Not an instant, then shooting away
Like an enormous cloud of starlings
Garbage scows move slowly down the estuary
The lights of the airport pulse in morning darkness
Food trucks, propane, tortured hearts
The reticent epistemologist parks
Gets out, checks the curb, reparks
Thunder of jets
Peristalsis of great capitals
How pretty in her tartan scarf
Her ruminative frown
Ambiguity and Reason
Locked in a slow, ferocious tango
Of if not, why not
From The Strange Hours Travelers Keep, by August Kleinzahler
Fear and self loathing in DC is the topic at
Patrick’s site today and it has touched a nerve with me today also. I went to
this site to see what had set Patrick off. I read with shock, as a young man of 22 had indeed developed a site entirely devoted to his own self hatred based upon week and delusional interpretations of the scriptures by both himself and the poisonous hands of narrow minded Christian “teachings” that appear to have captured his mind. He also unfortunately has linked himself into a network of sites that only continue to feed his poor self image. Organizations such as
Ex-gay and The Promise Tree who hide behind Christianity in order to promote ignorant ideas based on biblical misinterpretations. I have just finished Visiting
The Promise Tree site and there in print was this ridiculous list of what they think causes homosexuality.
"TRUTH #2
There are a variety of reasons that Homosexuality can occur in a person.
Child Abuse
Child Neglect
Child Abandonment
A head injury during infancy/childhood
Physical abuse
Fear of Parental Rage
Chronic Low Self Esteem
Self Loathing
Other issues including Brain Chemistry "
Now this list contains any number items that many well adjusted adults of any orientation may have experienced in fact probably everyone has experienced one or more of these generalities at some point in their life to varying degrees of harm, some serious some not. The genius of this particular propaganda is its ability to convince an already fragile soul to “buy into” the half baked nonsense presented as cause for:_________ , fill in the blank with your psycho illness du jour. The young man in question has indeed become completely brainwashed. He has become trapped in a world of religious ignorance and self loathing. I fear if he is not rescued from this cult of hate he will become another sad statistic of a smart young man who dies at his own hand unable to admit the truth and seek the help he so desperately needs. I have left two comments at his site. I fear it will be to no avail. He is not ready yet, he needs an intervention by a true friend, at hand. I would not be able to sleep tonight if I did not make some small attempt to reach out to him. And I have. It is sad to see a young man in his prime so deeply in trouble with his own soul….Bill
Please note I have edited this post since
Ben's visit for style only, not content. I have also revisted and commented in language he might understand. His plight has moved me deeply it is like watching a train wreck in action, I wish to help but hope to do no further harm...Bill 23:00h
If you are visiting from Ben’s site Welcome. Please feel free to comment. I will however remove or ban any comment which may contravene Canadian Hate Laws. Our laws include clause’s which protects G.L.B.T. individuals. Although I am Gay. This is not a gay advocacy site. Here are links to sites I encourage you to visit if you have concerns about Religious beliefs and Homosexuality or are searching for positive Gay role models.
Pflag- http://www.pflagdc.org/
Metropolitan Community Church- http://www.mccdc.com/
Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse- http://www.truluck.com/
….Bill, June 9, 2004.
I have had many visitors from “scattered words” and I am glad “Ben” still links to this post. I use the quotes because I have reason to believe he is a fake and that the site is a recruiting tool of the ex-gay movement. It consistently uses the same posts and the same comments rewritten and regurgitated to appear like a struggle between good and evil. As if it were some heroic struggle, one that can only be resolved by one particular brand of Christian Fundamentalism. Its main premises is based on a narrow miss interpretation of the scriptures.
If you are struggling with your sexual orientation and are having problems reconciling your religious beliefs, and not just Christian beliefs I strongly urge you to visit this site.
Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse. God made me Gay he taught me to love not hate, he taught me to be healthy in mind and proud about who I am. I am not a sinner because I am Gay, like you I am one of his children. I will not let any crazy maker fundamentalist tell me otherwise and neither should you….Bill Nov 2004
MemorandumTo: Colleen Blake
CC:
From: Employee # 1287
Date: 6/2/2004
Re: Twenty five Years
Dear Colleen,
I wanted to thank you personally for helping to celebrate my Twenty fifth year working at the Shaw Festival. It is always nice to know that we are part of one big family and that we are all considered valued members of this organization. The small gifts and cards of thanks are of course just symbols that help one realize just how valued one can be. It is reassuring in this difficult time in the Shaw’s history and that during this period of “interesting” change, the high core values of the Festival have not deteriorated. I am of course speaking of our human resources. For we all know, people are our most valuable asset. I am particularly hearten that in this difficult economic climate the Festival has made every effort to maintain the employee’s moral and have empowered everyone to become part of the solution. For those of us who are directly involved in “making theatre” it is encouraging to know that we are supported with human resources and management policies that understands fully the importance of theatre tradition and more importantly long standing Shaw traditions such as the annual production party. I have thoroughly enjoyed all 24 of them in the last 25 years I have been here. These of course are just small things they cost hardly anything at all. Much like the Christmas party. We can’t expect a bonus every year and a once a year dinner and dance given freely more then makes up for not receiving a bonus and goes along way in sustaining esprit de corps. I meant to keep this note brief but I would be remiss if I failed to mention the nice profile and mention that I and the other employees who also celebrated their 25th anniversary this year received, in the highly entertaining SHAWp Talk. You can’t imagine how much everyone enjoyed reading such entertaining and informative articles, such as how proud we all are of the seasons brochure. I do however digress, I just want to thank you for the opportunity of working at the Shaw for the last Twenty five years and can only hope for our continued prosperity for the future.
Regards, 1287
I sent this perfectly charming letter to the Executive Director at work today. Now I know it is considered disloyal to air workplace problems in public and nobody likes some one who whacks the hive. But, that has never stopped me before besides I have not said one bad thing about The Shaw here,right? Well, what are they going to do fire me?....Bill
In celebration of bicycle week I gave my touring bike a bath today and a good lube job. I then mounted my bike and rode it hard all the way to Virgil, the town not the poet. I was rewarded at the end of my ride with the cute guy in fruits and Veg at the grocery store being more chatty then usual. I am glad he does not work in the bakery department. My diet would be shot.
During the few hours before the thunder storms moved back in I managed to get some gardening done. One of the things I planted today was an
NDP election sign on my front lawn. I am not now nor have I been a member of any political party. I do believe it is my civic duty to vote and also believe as in Australia it should be mandatory. I have in more then one election spoiled my ballot, when I could in all consciousness not support any of the candidates on offer.
I have planted the election sign for a couple of reasons. Firstly I would like to see the
NDP improve their chances, with the new funding formula every vote cast will result in financial support to the candidates party. Could this be the first stage of proportional representation? Secondly the sign on my lawn gives the impression that I am firmly decided in how I will vote therefore the door to door canvassers of all parties will just fuck off and leave me alone. With all the wall to wall coverage and campaigning going on I draw the line at candidates underlings showing up at my door preaching “the party line” but a total waste of my time engaging them in debate, why I won’t or will vote for their “man”….Bill
